You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
