Why are handjobs necessary in class?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
