I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
