new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
