I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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