me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
