We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
