Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
