We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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