Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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