she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
