I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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