so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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