i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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