just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
