i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
