it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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