Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
