When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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