I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize