Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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