so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
