Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
