i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
