I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
