all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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