The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
