We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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