Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
