Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
