dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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