So drunk, too bad you don't want this
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
