I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
