You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
