His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
