So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I've blown a few things in my day
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
