Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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