I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
