Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
