Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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