"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
