if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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