After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
