I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
