dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
