You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
