I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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