Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
