how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
