she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
