After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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