WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
