white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
